Memories

It is one of those days when memories come spilling back and I start thinking about things that I probably shouldn’t think about. All triggered by things that are happening around me at this time.
My father-in-law is passing away as I write this. The family is all gathered around him and slowly his life is ebbing away and he doesn’t even know they are there. Some members of the family haven’t been around in years and won’t be even now. Sad how people drift apart….
I guess we have all heard it the saying “give me flowers while I am living”. That is the way I see it. I can’t help but think of the times that someone has said “I love you” , when I called them but they never call me, email me, or come to visit. A lot of the people I love have drifted away and don’t even make an effort of any kind that makes me think they care. I am not sure I would even want those people around when I am dying. See…told you I think about things I shouldn’t think about! Now I understand if someone lives far away and they don’t visit. But if they have all your contact info and they can’t even call or drop a line in the email or by post then it just seems that they don’t really care at all.
I guess I am saying all of this because at times like this I feel my mortality and wish I were closer to my family. My own close family members never even call me with the exception of a brother that I wasn’t even raised with.
Now that hurts! ( And I love him for keeping in touch. It makes me feel loved.)
When families drift apart it is very sad. My husband has 8 brothers and sisters that he hardly ever hears from. There are some of them that he probably will never hear from again. They just walked away from the family.
My own family isn’t doing much better really. Lack of forgiveness, holding grudges and bitterness are tearing us all apart. I miss my family and wish I could be closer to them. I have made mistakes and said things I shouldn’t have said and this I am very sorry for. We all should accept responsibility for the things we do that are not right. None of us are perfect. I hope that someday things will change for the better. In the meantime I guess I will just feel saddened when I think of those I have lost, not to death, but lost none the less.

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